Oct 18 2012 / Chemmy Alcott

Are you are posey, pretty, racy or straight out of the 80s?

The ski slopes are a people watching dream. Look to your right and you may see lycra-clad racers, to your left snow bunny kitted out wannabes with permanent, teeth-as-white-as-the-sparkling-snow, gleaming smiles and in front of you 3 years old kids with no fear (and probably not much technique) charging down the mountain to join their adversary heaped at the bottom of the slope as they try to learn to stop!

Where do you think you fit in? But more interestingly who do others see you as?

Monarch skier posing

Posey Skier

The kind of person who watches Made In Chelsea and sees that skiing is ‘what one does’ so books a holiday to wherever they saw Prince William and Kate ski last year. Purchasing as much expensive designer ski gear as possible, sauntering up to the ski lift at midday, checks out the ski instructor talent during a few runs. Then heads to the poshest mountain restaurant drinks mulled wine (or the local version) then heads down to put on the tiniest bikini and sit in the hot tub with a glass of champers! Yessss darling!!

Monarch skier fallen over

The (ex) Racer

Having learnt to ski as a youngster, you once invested in an ex GB catsuit for your yearly corporate event. It seemed a great idea at the time – however years of social beer drinking mean the zip popped and the safety pins holding it together aren’t as sexy as they looked when Liz Hurley wore that dress back in the 90s (probably same era when the zip easily glided over your toned stomach!). Your technique is good, decent, a mish mash of years of different styles of coaches – particular memorable are the benz ze knees and emphasize that pole plant. Tends to bob up and down a bit but general a safe, fast skier. However be warned when The (ex) Racer is on a busy piste, tends to use fellow skiers as a human slalom – steer clear in the scenario!

Monarch skier comfort zone

Stuck in the Comfort Zone

The ‘stuck’ skier goes skiing once a year and loves it but never really gets the time to improve. Over the year, this skier loses confidence so starts on the blue runs and never gets the guts to make the move to the red. Misses the opportunity, decides to wait until next year but sadly this is a viscous circle of ‘blue-run-dom!’

We have all been there. Even me, when I am rusty on my first camp of the year and feeling great on a nice easy run, I think I will just stay here doing this again and again and feeling like a champ. why progress to a harder run that will take more effort and I won’t feel as great?? Why? WHY? Well sports like skiing give us the opportunity to push our boundaries – learn where our physical limit is. If you don’t take that chance then you will never know how good you could be!

Monarch skier off piste

Over Confident

This skier nows how to stop safely – so on that premise, disregards technique and just goes for it. Skis as ‘loose as a goose’ – all jelly legs and big warning signs. Probably has a skill level suited to a red but often frequents black runs (that person you see walking up to the top to collect the ski they lost before summersaulting 50 meters down the vertical descent!) But loves it regardless. Also often seen bragging at the bar at how many runs they skied and showing their I phone speed ap to anyone and everyone who looks semi-interested (secretly hiding the fact that the 80kph it shows was actually not a result of fast skiing but an erratic bus driver on the way to the base of the mountain!)

1980s Ski Wizz

Despite having all the latest parabolic, huge side-cut skis, this person still skis as if s/he were on a mono board. Legs, knees, ankles glued as tightly together as possible – heaving the body weight from side to side. Also prone to the vintage look (which is actually coming back in fashion, conveniently for them!) from fluorescent colours to big headbands!

Monarch ski racer

Extreme ‘the Piste is the Enemy’ Skier

The purveyor of anything deemed ‘wild’ so skinning up the mountain at the crack of dawn, a quick sip of something to warm the soul from his silver battered hip-flask before hurtling down any cruddy snow or deep powder – anything far away from the crowds and corduroy snow made by the piste machines. Uses the word radical a lot whilst pulling out a lot of peace signs (unless mittens are their glove of choice!)

Pretty Skier

Knows potentially they could be faster and keep up with their kids but has been complimented on being a beautiful, graceful skier so many times that fears jeopardizing that by trying new techniques. Besides which skiing is about enjoying being out in the mountain, knowing that in all the cute pastel clothes they look good, especially the overly tight on the behinds’ over-trousers!

Monarch skier dad

The “Dad Who is Desperately Trying to Stay Faster Than His Kids” Skier

Was really keen his kids should follow his love of snow sports. Tried to give them the opportunity he didn’t have by putting them on snow as soon as they could walk. The first few years were fun – skiing as a family, being the envy of all the other dads who sacrifice their fun, fast turns to teach their own kids the snow-plough. However, has recently noticed he can no longer keep up with them. Somehow in the blink of an eye they have left him in their plume of powdery snow. Now fears both his age and lack of fitness are holding him back from ever catching them up again!

This blog is all in jest – is it not by any means a reflection of anyone I know – so if you are friend or family reading this, thinking that i used you as a muse you are far from the truth – all my characters are fabrications of my over creative snowy filled mind!

What kind of skier are you? What kind of skier do your friends think you are? Tell me in the comments below! 

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About the Author: Chemmy Alcott

Number one British woman skier, Chemmy Alcott, is the the brand ambassador for Monarch's new ski routes which launch winter 2012. Chemmy is making her return to the slopes following an accident in Canada whilst practicing for the World Cup event in 2010. She is currently training for the forthcoming World Championships in Schladming.

3 Comments + Add Comment

  • Oh Dear,

    I see myself as an amalgam of several of these, but mostly the dad trying desperately to keep up with his kids. Great blog Chemmy. Looking forward to reading more.

    Paul

  • I’m certainly the Dad who can’t keep up with his Son, nor the wife these days!! We only ski once a year, but I’m on to skiing the reds all the time adn continually thinking I’ll do that black one day this year!!

    Skiing is a pleasure if it doesn’t start to early, isn’t a race of speed or distance and includes many stops for taking in the views, chats with good friends and a hot chocolate or two!!

  • This really made me laugh, thanks Chemmy! Sadly I know that I fall into more than one category, though none fits me 100%! For me I’m the following:

    The ex-racer – I raced as a teen in my school team, though I never bought a catsuit and I ditched the exaggerated pole plant a long time ago. I don’t use other skiers as human slalom poles, I remember that I had to learn once & how much I hated people doing that to me!

    Stuck in the Comfort Zone – this was very nearly me this year, but it was my first time back on a mountain after having had a bad fall & torn the ligament in the back of my neck the previous holiday 18 years before. I had to force myself to ski some reds mid-week, but never regretted that move. However, it would have been so easy to stick to those blues and just look fabulous :)

    80s Ski Whizz – unfortunately yes, this is probably the one that’s most like me! Curvy skis weren’t around when I last skied and when I started back last year I was still on my 22 year old planks, so my style is very much developing from the old-fashioned ‘glue your legs & feet together’ style. It’s really hard to adjust! And I *do* still adore the bright, bold, colours – skied in Lime Green & Electric Blue this January!

    And there’s a bit of the Pretty Skier about me too. I’m always getting complimented on my style & grace, and being told no-one watching me ski would think I’d had such a long break :)

    So there was a lot there that rang true for me.

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