The ski slopes are a people watching dream. Look to your right and you may see lycra-clad racers, to your left snow bunny kitted out wannabes with permanent, teeth-as-white-as-the-sparkling-snow, gleaming smiles and in front of you 3 years old kids with no fear (and probably not much technique) charging down the mountain to join their adversary heaped at the bottom of the slope as they try to learn to stop!
Where do you think you fit in? But more interestingly who do others see you as?
The kind of person who watches Made In Chelsea and sees that skiing is ‘what one does’ so books a holiday to wherever they saw Prince William and Kate ski last year. Purchasing as much expensive designer ski gear as possible, sauntering up to the ski lift at midday, checks out the ski instructor talent during a few runs. Then heads to the poshest mountain restaurant drinks mulled wine (or the local version) then heads down to put on the tiniest bikini and sit in the hot tub with a glass of champers! Yessss darling!!
The (ex) Racer
Having learnt to ski as a youngster, you once invested in an ex GB catsuit for your yearly corporate event. It seemed a great idea at the time – however years of social beer drinking mean the zip popped and the safety pins holding it together aren’t as sexy as they looked when Liz Hurley wore that dress back in the 90s (probably same era when the zip easily glided over your toned stomach!). Your technique is good, decent, a mish mash of years of different styles of coaches – particular memorable are the benz ze knees and emphasize that pole plant. Tends to bob up and down a bit but general a safe, fast skier. However be warned when The (ex) Racer is on a busy piste, tends to use fellow skiers as a human slalom – steer clear in the scenario!
Stuck in the Comfort Zone
The ‘stuck’ skier goes skiing once a year and loves it but never really gets the time to improve. Over the year, this skier loses confidence so starts on the blue runs and never gets the guts to make the move to the red. Misses the opportunity, decides to wait until next year but sadly this is a viscous circle of ‘blue-run-dom!’
We have all been there. Even me, when I am rusty on my first camp of the year and feeling great on a nice easy run, I think I will just stay here doing this again and again and feeling like a champ. why progress to a harder run that will take more effort and I won’t feel as great?? Why? WHY? Well sports like skiing give us the opportunity to push our boundaries – learn where our physical limit is. If you don’t take that chance then you will never know how good you could be!
This skier nows how to stop safely – so on that premise, disregards technique and just goes for it. Skis as ‘loose as a goose’ – all jelly legs and big warning signs. Probably has a skill level suited to a red but often frequents black runs (that person you see walking up to the top to collect the ski they lost before summersaulting 50 meters down the vertical descent!) But loves it regardless. Also often seen bragging at the bar at how many runs they skied and showing their I phone speed ap to anyone and everyone who looks semi-interested (secretly hiding the fact that the 80kph it shows was actually not a result of fast skiing but an erratic bus driver on the way to the base of the mountain!)
1980s Ski Wizz
Despite having all the latest parabolic, huge side-cut skis, this person still skis as if s/he were on a mono board. Legs, knees, ankles glued as tightly together as possible – heaving the body weight from side to side. Also prone to the vintage look (which is actually coming back in fashion, conveniently for them!) from fluorescent colours to big headbands!
Extreme ‘the Piste is the Enemy’ Skier
The purveyor of anything deemed ‘wild’ so skinning up the mountain at the crack of dawn, a quick sip of something to warm the soul from his silver battered hip-flask before hurtling down any cruddy snow or deep powder – anything far away from the crowds and corduroy snow made by the piste machines. Uses the word radical a lot whilst pulling out a lot of peace signs (unless mittens are their glove of choice!)
Knows potentially they could be faster and keep up with their kids but has been complimented on being a beautiful, graceful skier so many times that fears jeopardizing that by trying new techniques. Besides which skiing is about enjoying being out in the mountain, knowing that in all the cute pastel clothes they look good, especially the overly tight on the behinds’ over-trousers!
The “Dad Who is Desperately Trying to Stay Faster Than His Kids” Skier
Was really keen his kids should follow his love of snow sports. Tried to give them the opportunity he didn’t have by putting them on snow as soon as they could walk. The first few years were fun – skiing as a family, being the envy of all the other dads who sacrifice their fun, fast turns to teach their own kids the snow-plough. However, has recently noticed he can no longer keep up with them. Somehow in the blink of an eye they have left him in their plume of powdery snow. Now fears both his age and lack of fitness are holding him back from ever catching them up again!
This blog is all in jest – is it not by any means a reflection of anyone I know – so if you are friend or family reading this, thinking that i used you as a muse you are far from the truth – all my characters are fabrications of my over creative snowy filled mind!
What kind of skier are you? What kind of skier do your friends think you are? Tell me in the comments below!